My husband has been gone for more than three years. I should be used to living as a widow and existing in my “new normal.” But today I realized, no matter how long I exist without him, I’m not sure this will ever really feel normal.
Sure, my life is on an even keel and I’m doing okay, but this … Read the blog
Everyone experiences the loss of a loved one, and the losses compound as we age. In my 63-year span on earth, I’ve lost my father and mother, and all my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The entire older generation is gone and now I’m losing my peers, too – cousins and friends, alike. I have felt the pain of every one … Read the blog
I put down my phone for a second to think back. Years and years ago now…let’s see, he got the cancer in 2016, but it was in the fall of the year, so that summer was probably the last that we enjoyed our evenings on the deck. He was too sick in 2017. And I pictured the sun, and the … Read the blog
I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t really identify as a widow much anymore. In two months, Rick will have been gone three years. I don’t know how that’s possible, but it’s true. I have carved out a new life without him, and it’s a full one. My home looks different, my routine is different, and I’m used to sleeping … Read the blog
It’s the beginning of my eighth week of isolation – quarantining during the coronavirus pandemic. It’s a beautiful sunny day in Michigan. I can finally see summer around the corner! My mood is as sunny as the day, because I’m getting ready to visit my two youngest grandsons.
This decision wasn’t made lightly. My son, daughter-in-law, and I have weighed … Read the blog
I’m a hugger. A cuddler. A squeezer.
Touching and affection are powerfully important elements that keep me happy, sane, and functioning. I know I’m not alone in this. Quarantining is wreaking havoc with the psyches of many of us who are stuck in our homes by ourselves, with no outlet for our love and affection.
Missing Rick’s hugs – his … Read the blog
I was talking to Rick today when I microwaved a sweet potato for my lunch. Yes, I had a sweet potato, and nothing else, for lunch, because I live alone, I’m stuck here, and lately I find myself either too lazy to cook and foraging for food – or making a meal that’s way too big for me and eating … Read the blog
After Rick died, I started grief therapy. Once I made it through the first year, I decided to stick with my counseling sessions because it was time for some “life therapy.” Why not take advantage of someone to help me make better choices and truly enjoy the last few decades of my life? I made quite a few mistakes in … Read the blog
Waiting has always been hell for me. I’m an extremely impatient person and have been this way since I was a child. But, enduring this coronavirus pandemic, waiting and watching as this impending doom grows closer and more certain, takes on a horror all its own. I’ve been sitting alone in my home for nearly two weeks now. Waiting to … Read the blog
I always use writing to cope with a crisis – I wrote this poem last night and it gave me hope when I realized how much love is really out there.
Pandemic Musings – a Poem
The world stopped spinning suddenly
And here I sit (not patiently)
I watch the death toll rise each day
And hope my nerves won’t … Read the blog