… But some nights, I lie down on my side, pull the covers around me, and put out the light, and I sense him there. It’s not a conscious decision; it just happens. I feel him scooch over next to me from behind and pull me to him, and snuggle up against me. I feel the cocoon of his love, … Read the blog
I’m used to life without you
I’ve made all new routines
The quiet house seems normal now
My life’s gone on, it seems
I function out in public
Can hold my tears inside
No longer overcome with sobs
Seeking a place to hide
I’m used to traveling on my own
And tables set for one
And you not with me … Read the blog
It’s been fifteen months since my husband died, and I have a question…
What exactly is my allotted grieving time?
Is there a prescribed time limit? Can I access a table of typical grief limits allowed per relationship type? Parent = 9.3 months? Cousin = 4 months? Aunt/uncle = 6.2 months? I can’t even begin to guess the grief time … Read the blog
Sometimes, I can still hear your voice in my head telling me, “I love you honey.” I can still hear you saying, “It will be OK.”
And every now and then one of your catchphrases pops into my head: “That’s why they call me ‘the big fella,’” or even, “Shut the hell up.”
When something good happens – “That’s better … Read the blog
I was missing Rick on our second Thanksgiving apart, and my second birthday without him, but I realized that he will never truly be gone.
Thanksgiving Day, 2018
Another holiday is done
The kids came by and we had fun
I’m thankful for my family
And how my life’s turned out to be
But now this special day is through… Read the blog
…After 15 months of widowhood, I’ve pretty much adapted to my current status. And, sometimes, when I take inventory of where my life is headed, now that I’m on my own, I ask myself, Other than the fact that your husband is dead, how do you like your life?
And the answer is – I have a very, very good … Read the blog
Can I pretend, just for a few minutes
That you are outside in the yard
Wearing your red flannel hoodie?
Can I imagine, just for a while
On this beautiful November Saturday –
That you’re raking the fallen leaves, as you loved to do?
Wearing your tiny white iPhone earbuds,
You’re listening to the new Grisham book
Oh, how you … Read the blog
After more than a year of coming to terms with Rick’s death, today I came to realize that grieving is just a long-running battle with the words I tell myself in my head. There’s a voice in a continuously running monologue that tells me things that I need to either heed or ignore, words to believe or recognize as a … Read the blog
I was fine.
I made it through going to our diner for breakfast. I purposely flipped past the song that would make me cry on the way home on this dreary day.
I pulled into our driveway and for one quick second, looked at the beautiful red-orange leaves on the tree outside our bedroom and remembered that we bought this … Read the blog
… So here I am, with all the usual stress inducers (and more) and no Rick to balance it all out for me. No backrubs. No one to say, “Don’t worry, honey, none of that matters. Let’s take a drive through the park.” I am graced with the support of wonderful friends and family, so I’m not alone. But the … Read the blog