Still Waiting

grief poetry

Sitting poolside
On this hot July day
Basking in the sun,
Eyes closed against the strong rays

Two years here alone
Two summers without you
A lifetime between then and now
But I find I’m…

Still waiting

Still waiting to hear the back door slam
You, back from your bicycle ride

Still waiting to feel your shadow cross my face… Read the blog

Until Death Do Us Part – Hope4Widows

grief journey

Rick and I were married on July 12, 1997. He died one month after our twentieth anniversary. This Friday will mark the second time I’ve spent our anniversary alone. In a way, it’s almost the third time, because on our last anniversary together in 2017, he was pretty sick and often mentally confused, so our special day wasn’t so special. … Read the blog

My Mom Once Told Me…

grief journey

My mom once told me…
That people in heaven can’t see us

She said heaven is a happy place, a peaceful place that our loved ones go to when they die
She said earth is a sad place
So people in heaven can’t see us hurting, sick, sad, and depressed
Or they would be sad, too.

My mom once told … Read the blog

If You Were Here

grief journey

If you were here this morning,
You would have urged me out of bed

“C’mon it’s a beautiful day!” you’d say
And convince me to eat breakfast on the deck

When we were finished, you’d say,
“Let’s get this pool open – you love to swim. It won’t take long…”

And we’d work together, side by side…

You with your … Read the blog

Jenny and Her Ghosts

grief journey

I’m a Game of Thrones fan and I’m also a lover of medieval-sounding music, so I really enjoyed the new song, “Jenny of Oldstones,” by Florence + the Machine on last night’s episode. I downloaded it today from Amazon music and was listening to it sitting out under the gazebo in the hour I have between getting off work and Read the blog

The Vision Board: Rediscovering Hope

grief journey

One thing I’ve learned about widowhood is that it’s exhausting; it’s so much work. At first, it’s trying to make it through the long awful days without your husband. Being bombarded with memories and tears. Adapting to the empty house. Working to control your emotions in public. Striving to get out of bed each morning to face another painful day … Read the blog

One Step Back

grief journey

I’ve heard it said a million times about the grief journey – the progress towards healing is two steps forward, one step back.

I guess this week I’ve taken a step back.

A few days ago, I wrote about my decision to remove my wedding ring, well, not actually remove it, but move it from my left hand to my … Read the blog

My Funny Valentine

grief journey

I do my best to fill my weekends. I’ve had a year and a half to hone my skills. When Rick was alive, I used to look forward to Fridays, the last day of the work week and then – Whee! Freedom! Rick and I could hang out together, starting with breakfast at our favorite diner, then – depending on … Read the blog

Aftershocks

Dear Rick,

How can you be gone?

I repeat this question to myself at least once a week, sometimes out loud, usually accompanied by a silent sob.

I guess I’m getting better. It used to be several times a day, and – in the weeks after you died – it was several times an hour.

True, as life and time … Read the blog