Working through grief after the death of my husband
Rick and I were married on July 12, 1997. He died one month after our twentieth anniversary. This Friday will mark the second time I’ve spent our anniversary alone. In a way, it’s almost the third time, because on our last anniversary together in 2017, he was pretty sick and often mentally confused, so our special day wasn’t so special. … Read the blog
I catch myself talking out loud a lot when I’m alone in the car. Luckily, nowadays, the passengers in the cars around me assume I’m on a hands-free phone, so it doesn’t seem strange to see me alone gabbing away while I’m sitting at the red light next to them.
Except, the reality is, I’m not on the phone. I’m … Read the blog
I woke up today realizing I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life.
And it’s not just that I’m living alone for the first time – no parents, no child: totally alone in this quiet house. It’s a different kind of alone than just being alone physically. This is a kind of alone that I didn’t … Read the blog
For the past few months, life has been pretty good. I have my vision board in place, and lots of activities and plans and dreams for my future that keep me occupied. I’ve been writing up a storm, and was flattered by an invitation to have my Writing Widow blog included in a resource for widows and widowers being developed … Read the blog
…. So, yes, I like my house now. I can finally appreciate and enjoy living alone in the house Rick and I built and shared together for so many years. I’ve come to a place where I’m no longer filled with the sadness of my loss. Instead I feel peace and comfort living with the beautiful memories contained within these … Read the blog
…. Last night, as I watched the news footage of Notre Dame burning, at first, I was saddened by the loss of such a beautiful testament to gothic architecture. I’ve always cherished old buildings and historical sites. I’m a genealogist, and any old artifact or site from another era makes me feel a connection with past generations that moves me … Read the blog
I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve never had a serious illness or major operation, or any other traumatic physical malady. I’ve never suffered any physical affliction that required months to heal or physical therapy to get back on my feet, nothing that required patience and hard work to regain my strength or mobility in order to return to normal. So … Read the blog
As I draw closer to the end of year two, I realize I no longer feel married. That sounds dumb, since Rick’s been gone for so long, but after twenty years of marriage, I still felt like his wife, no matter what. But in the past couple of months, that feeling has faded. I lead the life of a single … Read the blog
….One of the most difficult aspects of widowhood to adapt to was getting my head around the fact that I was alone, again. Totally alone. Not living with parents or child, but completely alone in a very quiet house. It’s odd how twenty years of being part of a couple could make me forget the “separateness” of my existence in … Read the blog
… I’ve stopped dreaming.
I’m not sure exactly when it happened. Was it when Rick got sick and the dreams we shared began to dissolve? Was it after his death, when all my hopes and dreams for the future we had planned turned to dust? I know that in the year and a half since his death, I’ve worked to … Read the blog