Aftershocks

Dear Rick,

How can you be gone?

I repeat this question to myself at least once a week, sometimes out loud, usually accompanied by a silent sob.

I guess I’m getting better. It used to be several times a day, and – in the weeks after you died – it was several times an hour.

True, as life and time … Read the blog

Spending Time With You – A Poem

grief poem

Now that you’ve been gone so long
And life and time keep moving on
I spend less time within my room
Crying, weeping, feeling gloom

Those days, those months of constant grief
Incessant pain with no relief
The unrelenting agony
Of knowing you are gone from me

Have seemed to pass and though I’m sad
And tears still come, it’s … Read the blog

Year Two – A Poem

grief and new normal

I’m used to life without you
I’ve made all new routines
The quiet house seems normal now
My life’s gone on, it seems

I function out in public
Can hold my tears inside
No longer overcome with sobs
Seeking a place to hide

I’m used to traveling on my own
And tables set for one
And you not with me … Read the blog

Thanksgiving Day, 2018

grief holidays

I was missing Rick on our second Thanksgiving apart, and my second birthday without him, but I realized that he will never truly be gone.

Thanksgiving Day, 2018

Another holiday is done
The kids came by and we had fun
I’m thankful for my family
And how my life’s turned out to be

But now this special day is through… Read the blog

Happy Birthday to My Love

grief and birthdays

On this special day, I miss
Giving you your birthday kiss
And helping you enjoy your day
By celebrating some fun way

A movie? Dinner? Restaurant?
You’d ask, and I’d do what you want
Then rush around to find your gift
Some tech toy would give you a lift

And you were pleased so easily
Whatever gift you got from … Read the blog

Time on My Hands

It’s tough to go on vacations now…too much time to think. I’m up north at the family cottage for two weeks, and the weather is beautiful. I have nothing to do but bask in the sun, play with the grandkids on the sandy beach of Lake Huron, enjoy time with my family, and take in the beauty of these natural … Read the blog

A Year’s Worth of Dust and Memories

Dear Rick,

It’s been nearly a year since you died. Does that mean I should be getting over the grief by now? Should I be capable of moving on in my “new” life without you?

In antiquated terms, is it almost time for me to remove my widow’s weeds?

Almost a year…it will be eleven months next week. Remember when … Read the blog

See You on the Other Side

grief, hope, widowhood

I was running late this morning (nothing new about that). But today I was particularly late, and at the time I got in my car and started it up, I’m usually already sitting at my desk at work.  I wouldn’t normally have been in the car when this song was playing.

Timing is everything.

So I started my car, and … Read the blog

I want to keep you alive

grief and birthdays

I want to keep you alive

I look around me and I see that there’s no way to keep you here, but I’m trying. Life shouts at me, Move on. Move on. Move on…but I don’t want to if that means leaving you behind.

I know I can’t bring you back. I hate that I couldn’t save you, that I … Read the blog

The Legacy of the Do-It-Yourselfer

Dear Rick,

Everything in this house elicits a memory. Absolutely everything.

I just heard the clink of the mailbox as the postman left a delivery. We installed the mailbox. We handpicked the perfect one with the perfect finish that matched the outdoor sconces on the garage. We toted it home in the back of your F150.

On a hot summer … Read the blog