I Am Titanium

grief journey

I was driving along through the park today, belting out one of my favorite tunes from my Amazon music library. I love music, always have. The right song has the ability to bring me to my knees – or to infuse me with the strength to rise to meet any challenge. I have one of those accounts through Amazon where … Read the blog

The Dance

grief and the dance

When Rick and I were first dating, I was nervous about it. We had met online and this was well before an app for swiping through potential mates was even invented. It was 1996, and it was the early days of internet dating using America Online. Because online dating was a completely new and bizarre concept, it was a scary … Read the blog

See You on the Other Side

grief, hope, widowhood

I was running late this morning (nothing new about that). But today I was particularly late, and at the time I got in my car and started it up, I’m usually already sitting at my desk at work.  I wouldn’t normally have been in the car when this song was playing.

Timing is everything.

So I started my car, and … Read the blog

I’ll Be Seeing You

I made it through day one of my driving trip from Michigan to Florida. I had three small meltdowns triggered by songs on the radio, plus some memories that surfaced as I passed through locations we visited on past trips.

Three days ago was the seven month anniversary of Rick’s death. In the months after he died, I never imagined … Read the blog

Chasing Cars

I’m still having a tough time with the grief “episodes.” I was doing so well, and now I’m not.

I question what has triggered this…tomorrow it will be six months since the day Rick died. Valentine’s Day is Wednesday. We weren’t big on celebrating what Rick called the “Hallmark Holidays,” but most years, we were on our way to Florida … Read the blog

It’s times like these

I was driving to my grief counseling session, foolish enough to listen to the radio.

I can’t listen to music anymore, and music is something I’ve loved my whole life. Music is passion and feelings and emotion and more. A passionate love of music is also something Rick and I shared.

We had different tastes in music, but we both … Read the blog

Wherever You Will Go

There are songs I’ve always liked that take on a whole new meaning now that Rick is gone. It may be wishful thinking, but I feel like he’s still near me, loving me, and I try to do what I think he’d want me to. This song was mentioned on one of the FB widows’ groups, and I gave it … Read the blog


Since May, Rick wasn’t himself. The radiation caused pneumonitis in the same lung as the tumors it had killed. We enjoyed our wonderful Florida vacation beginning the second week of April, but the final week, he began experiencing pain in his lung.

It became more difficult for him to walk up the slight slope of the sandy beach each evening … Read the blog

This is what it feels like

I was driving home in a thunderstorm and this song came on the radio. This is why I can’t listen to music for awhile.

“This Is What It Feels Like”
(Armin van Buuren feat. Trevor Guthrie)

Nobody here knocking at my door
The sound of silence I can’t take anymore
Nobody ringing my telephone now
Oh how I miss such Read the blog