Working through grief after the death of my husband
I was driving along through the park today, belting out one of my favorite tunes from my Amazon music library. I love music, always have. The right song has the ability to bring me to my knees – or to infuse me with the strength to rise to meet any challenge. I have one of those accounts through Amazon where … Read the blog
As I draw closer to the end of year two, I realize I no longer feel married. That sounds dumb, since Rick’s been gone for so long, but after twenty years of marriage, I still felt like his wife, no matter what. But in the past couple of months, that feeling has faded. I lead the life of a single … Read the blog
One thing I’ve learned about widowhood is that it’s exhausting; it’s so much work. At first, it’s trying to make it through the long awful days without your husband. Being bombarded with memories and tears. Adapting to the empty house. Working to control your emotions in public. Striving to get out of bed each morning to face another painful day … Read the blog
….One of the most difficult aspects of widowhood to adapt to was getting my head around the fact that I was alone, again. Totally alone. Not living with parents or child, but completely alone in a very quiet house. It’s odd how twenty years of being part of a couple could make me forget the “separateness” of my existence in … Read the blog
Since Rick died, I’ve been afraid that I’ll forget things about him. I’ve never had a very good memory. At best, it’s sporadic. I can’t remember what I ate yesterday, but I can remember vivid memories from my childhood. I supposed most people are like that, but in my case, I’m usually surprised by the odd things I can recall … Read the blog
… I’ve stopped dreaming.
I’m not sure exactly when it happened. Was it when Rick got sick and the dreams we shared began to dissolve? Was it after his death, when all my hopes and dreams for the future we had planned turned to dust? I know that in the year and a half since his death, I’ve worked to … Read the blog
This is the time of year we’d be going on our annual Florida trip. Usually we left around Valentine’s Day. We took three days to get there. We enjoyed the drive.
Friends often laughed at how long our drive took. “Three days? Why I drove the 17 hours straight through – it was an overnight trip!” But we didn’t care … Read the blog
I’ve heard it said a million times about the grief journey – the progress towards healing is two steps forward, one step back.
I guess this week I’ve taken a step back.
A few days ago, I wrote about my decision to remove my wedding ring, well, not actually remove it, but move it from my left hand to my … Read the blog
… And with that realization, came the decision that it’s time to remove the symbol of our marriage, the beautiful ring that he ceremoniously placed on my left hand so many years ago. To me, continuing to wear the ring is a symbol that I am currently a married woman, a woman who has a living, breathing husband who shares … Read the blog
I do my best to fill my weekends. I’ve had a year and a half to hone my skills. When Rick was alive, I used to look forward to Fridays, the last day of the work week and then – Whee! Freedom! Rick and I could hang out together, starting with breakfast at our favorite diner, then – depending on … Read the blog