OCTOBER 23 Grief Meditation
“Why not” is a slogan for an interesting life. —MASON COOLEY
At first our energy is absorbed in doing the necessary things—making arrangements, speaking with those who come to console us. After the immediate hubbub is over, we are probably exhausted. Then, when some strength to do “optional things” begins to come back, we probably return … Read the blog
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E. E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my … Read the blog
I’m at work.
It’s 9:47 am, and suddenly I pictured being at the hospital with you.
Getting on the elevator at the medical center, you turn to me and jab at my stomach and I warn you that there are cameras watching your abuse.
Then we continue with the horseplay
I swat at you
Or I throw my … Read the blog
I just remembered the giant TV. We bought it at Best Buy after my parents said we could borrow their empty Discover card. You were flabbergasted that they would come down and offer it to us. They lived in the apartment a few doors down and they came to visit just to offer the card. They knew we … Read the blog
Since you died, I’ve been amassing photos, videos, and even one voice recording I found. I’ve found things you’ve written – in longhand – and in google docs or Word.
I’ve gathered anything and everything that can keep your memory fresh.
Right now, I’m doing an Amazon Prime photo backup and seeing pictures I haven’t seen in a … Read the blog
I just made eggs for breakfast.
You used to do this for me every day before I left for work. You’d ask, “Do you want breakfast?” and I’d say, “Yes, please.” And you’d make three scrambled eggs in a small pan while I showered, and dressed, and ran to catch up because, as usual, I’d overslept.
Meanwhile, you’d … Read the blog
I hate Fridays! I can’t stop sobbing. I want to go out on the deck with my husband and celebrate the end of the work week. We should be enjoying wine and appetizers, then whatever he grilled for our dinner. I want to sit and talk about nothing and everything. Then I want to dance in the kitchen because a … Read the blog
I’ve never been less normal in my life.
Nothing is appealing – no food, no entertainment, no joy, no hope, nothing. I died when he died.
I try to comfort myself with little “nice” things. I like to sit in my recliner, under his big brown blanket (it’s really burgundy; he always called it brown). I like to cuddle up … Read the blog
I think I keep waiting for your return.
Maybe you’re at the store. Maybe you even left town for a couple of weeks, as strange as that would be.
Maybe you’re off riding your bike…riding, riding…back streets, dirt roads, through the park, enjoying yourself on this beautiful 76° day.
Maybe you’re at Costco roaming the aisles, checking out all the … Read the blog