Rick and I were married on July 12, 1997. He died one month after our twentieth anniversary. This Friday will mark the second time I’ve spent our anniversary alone. In a way, it’s almost the third time, because on our last anniversary together in 2017, he was pretty sick and often mentally confused, so our special day wasn’t so special. … Read the blog
In early 2016, I led a charmed life.
I was married and sharing my world with a man who loved me. We lived in our happy little home, and enjoyed the perks of having worked for years and years to have our tech gadgets and our pool and our vacations. Rick had just started receiving social security benefits and my … Read the blog
I woke up today realizing I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life.
And it’s not just that I’m living alone for the first time – no parents, no child: totally alone in this quiet house. It’s a different kind of alone than just being alone physically. This is a kind of alone that I didn’t … Read the blog
For the past few months, life has been pretty good. I have my vision board in place, and lots of activities and plans and dreams for my future that keep me occupied. I’ve been writing up a storm, and was flattered by an invitation to have my Writing Widow blog included in a resource for widows and widowers being developed … Read the blog
As I draw closer to the end of year two, I realize I no longer feel married. That sounds dumb, since Rick’s been gone for so long, but after twenty years of marriage, I still felt like his wife, no matter what. But in the past couple of months, that feeling has faded. I lead the life of a single … Read the blog
….One of the most difficult aspects of widowhood to adapt to was getting my head around the fact that I was alone, again. Totally alone. Not living with parents or child, but completely alone in a very quiet house. It’s odd how twenty years of being part of a couple could make me forget the “separateness” of my existence in … Read the blog
Yesterday marked 17 months since my husband died. So much has changed in my life since then. I’ve grieved, and grieved, and grieved some more. I’ve worked through the grief, written through the grief, talked to my grief counselor, cried on the shoulders of family and friends, and – to be honest – I’m really, really tired of grieving. Shouldn’t … Read the blog
I’m on the cusp of a new life, but it’s difficult to leave the old one behind. And, if I’m honest with myself, I feel guilty and sad, regretful that I have been able to survive without Rick, that I am making that new life on my own.
When Rick died, I never thought this would be possible – to … Read the blog
… But some nights, I lie down on my side, pull the covers around me, and put out the light, and I sense him there. It’s not a conscious decision; it just happens. I feel him scooch over next to me from behind and pull me to him, and snuggle up against me. I feel the cocoon of his love, … Read the blog
It’s been fifteen months since my husband died, and I have a question…
What exactly is my allotted grieving time?
Is there a prescribed time limit? Can I access a table of typical grief limits allowed per relationship type? Parent = 9.3 months? Cousin = 4 months? Aunt/uncle = 6.2 months? I can’t even begin to guess the grief time … Read the blog